


Childlike Mind, Childlike Body

by fightableomo



Category: Homestuck
Genre: Age Regression, Diapers, idk how to tag, it might help if you read trebledeath's middleschool romancem, obscure AU
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2016-07-16
Updated: 2016-09-23
Packaged: 2018-07-24 06:53:55
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 3
Words: 2,990
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/7498446
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/fightableomo/pseuds/fightableomo
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Dave accidentally drinks a potion of Rose's and is now trapped as an infants right before he has to film a movie. Now the two meet several challenges and wacky characters that they already knew while trying to fix him. But it doesn't quite work like that, now does it? Join us as we watch this time lord in another reality jump through his ages instead of the ages.</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> **Note: this is a human verse AU where they're all in families and it's just all complicated. I'll try to summarize everything through narration and dialogue and i won't put it in the notes because I don't want to bore you, but shoot me an ask on tumblr at fightable-omo.tumblr.com or leave a comment here if you're confused. I can definitely explain things. I love talking.

Dave was staying with Rose for the night before he was supposed to fly to California to start shooting again. Honestly, he found the whole flight route he chose kind of funny. He flew from Texas to New York then in a couple hours he would fly to California. He had no reason except irony and he wanted to drop in and see Rose before disappearing from the world for a couple months. 

He and Rose met when they were kids. Dirk and Roxy had been close since middle school, so the Striders and Lalondes grew up together, heck Dave was practically raised by Mamalonde once his Bro was arrested for child abuse and neglect. But that was only for a year. He was mostly Raised by Roxy who forewent college, became a scientist/engineer and watched the kids with Dirk while that MILF of a scientist took off for Europe. 

So yeah, he and Rose were pretty damn close. Basically legal brother and sister, though they did pretend to date for the press sometimes. It was sort of fun to get all dressed up to go get a hot dog for a buck, or to dress in sweats and go to reservations at a fivestar resteraunt. Then rent a hotel room only to trash it partying with pizza and old movies, no sex, and breakup the next morning. 

Being as close as he was to Rose, Dave felt completely justified in roaming around her small house as she slept. It wasn’t like he didn’t try to wake her up though. He did! She was passed out with half her limbs dangled over the side of her bed and drooling everywhere. In short, she was out for at least another hour. 

So, he chose instead, to make himself breakfast. That leads us to Dave rifling through cupboards looking for food or anything to eat. There was bread and fruit as well as meals that required almost no effort. But that wasn't really breakfast. Well, the fruit was. Maybe the bread and peanut butter…..

Fine, he’d have toast fruit and tea. Happy? Now he just had to find tea.

There was an abundance of coffee, but he couldn’t eat that. Not with his delicate digestive system and sensitivity to coffee. No, tea was much better. 

So, he looked for herbs.   
Finally he found some in a cupboard that looked like what could be described as a spice cupboard. Vials of liquid sat on the top shelf, then were bottle of leaves, some whole some shredded. Bundles of fresh leaves sat around as well. On the bottom shelf were little pouches of mixed up herbs, that probably had some of the liquid in them too. 

Dave smirked to himself, “Make your own tea, the Rosey?” He picked up one of the pouched and sniffed it. Pineapple, maybe raspberry? Either way he put it back on the shelf. That would have been a fine flavor of tea, but something told him to try something else. The next one he smelled smelled like grapefruit and something sweet. He shrugged and dunked the little cloth bag into the mug of hot water he had already prepared then set about making his breakfast. 

He took a sip of the tea once his breakfast was ready and was immediately hit with the sensation of staring into a bright light. The next thing he knew, he was sitting on the floor in a pile of his clothes that were now several sizes too big for him with his ears ringing. 

Not knowing what else to do, he screamed. Loudly. His voice came out much higher than it would have a moment ago. He kept screaming. 

Soon enough Rose came running into the kitchen. When she saw a now baby Dave, she scooped him up and held him at arm’s length. “Dave? What the heck happened to you?”

He stopped screaming as Rose picked him up, but he still squirmed a lot as he dangled and tears rolled down his fat cheeks. 

Luckily for him, she spotted the tea. Frowning, she placed him on the counter and dug out the discarded ‘tea bag’ from the trash. Apparently there were markings on one side that Dave completely disregarded. 

She sighed and shot him an irritated look. “Nice going smart guy. This is a potion. Or rather an instant potion, and you used it for tea. Just be glad you didn’t accidentally choose the one that is very literally death in a bag.” She went over to the potions cupboard and drew out the first bag Dave picked up. 

Overwhelmed and now scared, he began to cry. 

She gave him an odd look. “What? I didn’t say anything remotely mean? But don’t worry, we’re going to get you regular sized soon. First, we have to go shopping. But you can’t come with me, i don’t have a car seat and I don’t want a ticket.” She moved to place him on the couch, still covered in his large shirt. “I’ll call Kanaya over and she’ll watch you.”


	2. Chapter 2

Soon enough Kanaya was over at Rose’s house. As soon as she stepped foot in the house, she walked over to the fussy baby and scooped him up and started rubbing his back to calm hm down. “Rose, where the heck did you get a baby? You weren’t pregnant six months ago.”

“Wait, do you think he’s six months?”

“Yeah. I mean, he’s sitting up on his own and he’s talking. Or I guess babbling. And he’s got red eyes. No new born would have that color of eyes, which means this is his final eye color.”

Dave was indeed babbling, he stopped crying, but he was reaching for Rose, “Maaammama!”

Rose mostly ignored him as she frowned. “Interesting. How do you know so much about babies?”

She shrugged, “My mother is a pediatrician, remember?”

“Yeah, but I didn’t think she would tell you how to care about babies.”

“I just know a little. Anyway, answer my question Rose, how did you get a baby?”

“Depends. How strongly do you believe in magic?”

Kanaya shrugged, sitting down on the couch with Dave as she did. “I mean, I left everything occult like behind me in middle school when I ‘realized’ I wasn’t a vampire.”

“Allright. Then I found this baby on my doorstep. It confused me because I didn’t think that was possible anymore. But he was just left here with a man’s shirt. I need to go get hm supplies before I figure out what to do next. I mean, what kind of maybe mother would I be if I let a baby run around basically naked?” She grabbed her keys. 

Kanaya sighed and rubbed Dave’s head gently as Rose left. 

Once in her car, Rose called her mother. “Hey mom, I was wondering what you remember about Dave from when he was little.”

“Oh hey Rosey Posey. Um, I don’t remember much, I mean, I only knew him closely when he was like eight. It was then that I caught on to Derrick... Why do you ask?”

“I wanted to make a slideshow about Dave’s life for his wedding.”

“Oh my god, Dave got engaged? And he didn’t call me? Who’s the lucky gal or guy?”

“No one yet. None of your kids are married still mom. Aren’t we all just twenty five year old disappointments even though we all are extremely successful and well known throughout the country if not the world?”

“Hush. I want babies, not fame. And I want all of you to be happy. That comes through family. Anyway, why are you making a wedding slideshow if he’s not engaged?”

“So it can be hours long and cover his entire life. If I only have a couple months, or even hours, because let’s real, he’ll have a vegas wedding, I might not be able to do it. I want this to go on as long as I can. So, Dave’s youth?”

Her mother sighed over the phone. “You’re making me feel like an old woman Rosey, sitting on these beaches and remembering my babies. Well, like I said, I barely saw him when I was dropping of Roxy or Dirk at the Strider’s but he was a small kid. Short and skinny. When he was eight, I remember learning that he was lactose intolerant. That was fun. You remember? I made you give him a lunch I packed him and it had a cheese stick in it. He ate it because he hadn’t seen much food before and when he had, it all made him sick anyway. But he ate it, and he was puking in school but his brother wouldn’t get him, so I took him home. You were terrified you broke him with that lunch. 

Poor thing. He started getting better though, less dairy, and he wasn’t forced to eat it at home because we were feeding it.” She paused, “Are you sure you want to make a slide show? All I know is sort of sad things?”

“I can put a positive twist on them. Keep going mom.”

“Okay, well, I think he grew out of his lactose intolerance around seventeen? That’s what Roxy told me.”

Rose nodded despite her mom not being able to see. “Um yeah, I think. Like, he still has trouble digesting it, and prefers almond ice cream or whatever.” That wasn’t true, he wanted the real deal even if it made him a tiny bit sick, but Rose wouldn't let him. 

“Okay. Well, I remember that when you two were nine, you called me in the middle of the school day demanding I take Dave to the hospital, because once again he was broken. He just had an asthma attack and got sent to the nurse's office. I did buy him an inhaler. I think it was around that time that I got him and Dirk on our insurance. And then you remember everything past eleven right? I’m not sure I want to remember what happened when you guys were thirteen in detail.”

“Yeah mom. I got it, I just wanted early childhood, thanks.”

“Of course honey. I just think it’s sad how everything I remember or that was important is about his medical health. But I meant, what is a mother to remember? I wasn’t there when he learned to ride a bike or lose teeth. But I was there when Dirk taught him to skate board. I think I still have a video.”

Rose smiled. “I might be interested in that. Thanks mom, love you.” She hung up before the sentimental woman could go on anymore. 

It took her almost an hour to collect a week's worth of children’s clothes and supplies before getting home. 

When she walked into the house, Kanaya was looking irritated and standing up, holding a sobbing Dave. Both her clothes and his were covered in pee and spit up. 

She handed the baby over to Rose as soon as she could. 

Rose frowned, “Did you give him milk? That will make him throw up for sure.”

“No. Babies shouldn’t drink milk until they’re one year old. Did you give him milk before I got here?”

“No! I just know he’s lactose intolerant, all my magic and crap.”

Kanaya sighed, not looking very convinced. “Allright. Well, to answer your first question, he started crying and I couldn’t console him. He cried too hard and got sick all over me just before you walked in. I mean, I could understand him having an accident since he doesn’t have a diaper or anything, but I don’t appreciate being puked on.” She gave another soft sigh. “I’m sorry if I sound irritated. Can I go use your shower?”

“Of course. Do you want to use some of my clothes too?”

She nodded, “That would be great,” With that, she started for the bathroom. 

Rose sighed and turned to a fussy Dave who had stuck some of his chubby fingers in his mouth to console himself. “It’s not like I wasn’t coming back Davey. I’m taking care of you.” She changed him into a diaper and a blue onsie covered in chics after cleaning him up. She then put a red pacifier in his mouth and held him to his chest. It seemed to calm down, plus it was just easier to maneuver him around. 

Dave buried his face into her chest and his breath even out with the help of the rhythmic sucking of the pacifier.


	3. Chapter 3

It didn’t take long for Rose to be sitting on the couch with her laptop and Dave at her feet eating sliced bananas, watching Dora. He screamed his head off when she tried to get him to watch Sesame Street, so Dora it was.

He was babbling away as Rose scoured the internet for drug dealers. Well, not drug dealers, but wiccans or other types of witches who had access to and were willing to sell herbs or herb based potions. Rose wasn’t one for any chemically stuff, that was medicine and science, not magic, thank you very much.

Finally she found someone. Jade, a nice spacey witch on some island off in the Atlantic ocean. It was one of those uninhabited islands that some rich dude bought way back fifty years or so, and apparently she lived there and studied the plants for scientific or other uses.

Rose sighed as she looked at the blog entry the woman halfway across the ocean wrote. “Oh please. There are so many numbers, and it looks like it’s a bunch of math.” She rolled her eyes and scooped up Dave so he could look at the screen.

As far as she could tell with her tests on rats, the potion was completely harmless except age and they retained all memories. They could still do the maze and learn mazes even if they were in a younger body.

She figured the same thing for Dave. He would probably want to know what was going on, even if he could walk around or talk or really do anything but sit and sort of squirm around. So, she showed him the screen. “What do you say Davey? Should we contact her? Get some of this herb?” She looked at the recipe portion. “Let’s see. I have everything but the plant she grows. And I need about a cup to make 26 strength.” She sighed. “You’re going to make me do a whole lot more math than I want. Who wants to multiply ⅔ table spoon by twenty six?”

Dave pat the screen in front of him and looked up at Rose then stuck out his tongue.

She smiled softly. “Yep. I’ll order it.” She placed and order. “Looks like it’s going to take a couple days. I guess you’re stuck with me until it shows up. So I guess I need to figure out how to take care of a baby.” She ordered the herbs then moved the laptop aside to lift Dave above her head. “You don’t seem like you’ll be much trouble, huh?”

He stuck out his tongue again.

She rolled her eyes and placed him back on the floor with his bananas, “Just watch your show. I’m going to go see if Kanaya is out of the shower.” Honestly, she just wanted to see the other woman in her clothes, that idea got her all hot and bothered.

Rose stood up and walked away from Dave, only to rush back because of his screeching. She picked him up and gave him a once over, “Are you okay?”

He whined and grabbed a fist full of her clothes, but stopped screeching.

Kanaya walked back into the room, wearing Rose’s clothes as was noted by the blond. “He probably just doesn’t want to be left alone.” She walked over to them and ruffled Daves thin hair.

“He was fine just a moment before, and I wasn’t holding him then.”

She shrugged, “Maybe he just wants to be in the same room. He’s a little mamas boy, isn’t he?” She held out her hands towards him, “May I?”

“Of course. You’re probably better at handling children than I will ever be.” She handed over the baby, who whined, but quickly calmed down.

“Nonsense, if he likes you, it means he’s imprinted on you. You’re doing a fine job.” She smiled at her before looking at the baby, “He’s a lot calmer with me than he was before. I think it’s because I’m wearing your clothes so I smell like you.”

Rose raised a brow, “Does that really matter?”

“Yeah, babies care about that stuff. If you want him to be more calm when you’re out of the room, give him a shirt or something of yours. Here, look,” she took off her shirt, though it was technically Rose’s, and handed it to Dave. He took it with his clumsy hands and gave a delighted squeal.

Rose turned her gaze away from the now topless woman in her living room. “I suppose I should try leaving now, to see if he remains calm?”

Kanaya nodded, “Even if he doesn’t, it will be a good exercise, to know that if you leave you come back.”

Rose nodded and turned to leave.

Dave fussed, but he didn’t screech like last time. The longer Rose was out of the room, the louder his whimpers grew. Before he could scream or cry again, she came back and picked him up out of Kanaya’s arms.

“So it does work?” She looked to the taller for some form of validation.

She nodded, “He lost it completely the second you left last time I was with him. Well, I think I should go grab my clothes from the wash and leave. I’ve taken up enough of your time.”

“Of course. Thanks for stopping by and helping.”

She nodded and left, leaving Rose with the baby


End file.
